Have you ever read the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman? I really hope you have, because I have not and I need some questions answered. hahahah :) I know enough to know...that the languages are: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Have you and your significant other ever figured out your (and their) love language?? It's something I never really thought about and didn't take seriously (probably because I never took time to read the book, ha.) until lately. While we were dating throughout high school, I saw every love language as an intricate part of a dating relationship. You were suppose to have everything! Thats just how it is. I mean think about it. In a movie, "Romeo" treks across the land in a storm to get to "Juliet", ditching his important meeting with his boss (or high school championship football game-depending on what moving you're watching)...(acts of service), He than spouts of some mushy-gushy love speech holding roses (words of affirmation AND receiving gifts), then he lays a fat 'ole big kiss on her (Physical touch), then they live "Happily Ever After" (i'm gonna go with quality time for this one.haha.) THEN came engagement...still hadn't even crossed my mind that "love languages" could affect our relationship, but I was definitely learning that this whole married forever thing was going to take a lot more work than occasional super romantic moments.For the last almost 9 months we've been trying to explain to each other what works for us as an individual person.What I do when I'm angry, or hurt, or stressed. What little things he can do to ease it. 95% of the time it just didn't make sense to him (Visa-Versa by the way). We were constantly trying to solve the other persons problems or make them feel good with the way WE like it done.Then one day... literally 2 weeks ago.We were in the car with his family and his father randomly started asking what are love languages are. Of course David has to crack a joke.This is what he said (at first)..."Girls are like a 5 lane highway.They need and want every love language.But They only ever have one lane open, all the others are full.So you guess which one you should go with and Pray it's right." I wonder if that has anything to do with our frequent mood changes?!??Hahahaha!! (I thought it was hilarious...but I think he's the funniest person alive, so that could explain it.ha.)...I think us ladies have all had moments where we can attest that that is kinda true, or at least we make it seem that way.We only want to be complemented when we know we look good, not when we're in our fat pants with the messiest of messy buns atop our head.at least me anyway.BUT we all do have that one or two languages that really speaks volumes.In the car that day, it finally clicked for us. David is words of affirmation. I could jokingly complement him and he LOVES it.He gets the cheesiest grin on his face.Me?? receiving gifts. which is hilarious, because I married a ridiculously frugal man. But if WHEN he brought home a Shamrock shake for me the other night unexpectedly...i almost peed my pants of excitement.Here's where I need your thoughts...We understand how to treat the other person to cater to their language...but what about TAKING their language?? Because I enjoy receiving gifts, I LOVE LOVE LOVE giving gifts. My dream someday is to have a decent budget every months just for gifts. But, david hates when I get him gifts.That's not his love language and to him it's more honoring if I save that money.Last night, He complemented me, I rolled my eyes, and he said "take my love language".HMMM.SO what do you think?? How do you handle this in your relationship.Or if you've read the book :) what do you know of it?? Is it more honoring to accept the output of the other persons love language?? Or is it more honoring to NOT give the output??Humpf. I don't know.help!
6 comments:
I've always wondered this!! oh and by the way i'm not married, but love is a part of any relationship so i am still very curious :)
YES!
I think its more important to TAKE their love language. If you always shut down the other person, it will drive a wedge between you two. AND if they are always afraid to SHOW you their love language, they aren't giving love the way they want to and may start withholding their love because it is not met with love. Like anything in marriage, it is a give and take relationship. You may have to meet in the middle.
p.s. gifts don't ALWAYS have to cost money :)
Mark and I have read that book. We both have the same love language, gifts. However, I think sometimes mine overpowers to be words of affirmation and his would be acts of service. For us though, it is easy to take the others, if it is gifts, but for words of affirmation, it is hard for mark to do that (and touch -- i tie on both of those) because he never grew up with affirming words and his parents weren't big on the hugs. :) And for me, acts of serving him is really hard well, frankly, because im selfish half the time, but anyway. I think it is important to LEARN the other person's love language versus always TAKING theirs because if they take the time to LEARN yours, then I personally think that shows a commitment of love right there. I also think part of the reason the book was written was to help couples understand other's love languages and learn to speak them, versus always speaking ours and expecting the person to TAKE it.
:) Oh, this marriage stuff sounds great ;) I can't wait :D
Kim: I like what you said about if one doesn't give love like they want,they might start withholding it.I never thought of that.Thanks!
Maria: I'm glad you read the book and could give insight :) David and I had a discussion today about other love languages that overpower...which helped!(So, thanks for bringing that point up :))Also, I agree with you about the importance of learning the other's love language.That's something else david and I talked about today, we gave eachother examples of what is considered in our minds speaking the love language.So many times spouses try to make the other person guess, and that is sooo not good!...and this marriage stuff is great!but it takes alot of work :) Which i'm sure you had a clue about ;)
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